Injury diaries
First off, I want to say that I know this is not nearly the worst possible injury an athlete could have. I know a lot of people (even during this season) have had it a lot worse. However, this is my first “bigger” injury and keeping this diary really helped me sort through my emotions. I never actually started out with the intention of posting this and chose not to edit anything out after I decided to share, so the emotions are quite real and raw. What happened was, my fibula snapped in a volleyball game about two months ago. So, here is a look into an athlete’s mind when – despite the countless hours of hard work, recovery and care – their body lets them down.
Before I get started, I want to thank a few people who helped me get back on the court. I felt so well cared for the whole time and someone was always ready to clear my doubts when I had them. Thank you to,
All the doctors that helped me: Ville Mattila, Marko Wahlman, Erkki Vehmanen (and his lovely wife Riitta. These two let me crash their holiday in Ruka to check my x-rays).
Everyone in the Pölkky Kuusamo organization, but especially: Harri Määttä who went above and beyond to make sure I got everything I needed and my coach Dole who trusted me to be able to help the team when I thought I couldn´t do anything at all.
My team physio Imppa who spent the majority of his lunch breaks over the past two months getting me in shape.
My lovely family and boyfriend for supporting me
Injury diaries
15.12.2019: Landed on our middle after a block in the end of the fourth set in Nurmo. Not great, felt a sharp pain by my shin. We won the match in five though.
16.12.2019: Moving rather slow, painfully slow (pun intended). Decided at the physio to ice and compress and push through for Wednesday’s Challenge cup match.
18.12.2019: Managed to play the two sets we needed to secure our spot in the round of 16. Not a very enjoyable experience.
20.12.2019: Travel day to the last two matches of this decade. Leg feels a bit better.
21.12.2019: Tried to play, felt the same as on Wednesday so decided not to risk it any further than the first rally. Sat out the rest of that match and the next one.
23.12.2019 Doctor’s appointment. Turns out my fibula had a week-old fracture. Not great either. Got to wear a cast for the next two weeks.
27.12.2019 Went to the gym to work on my other leg and upper body. Feeling very immobile but I guess that’s the point of the whole cast thing, right?
1.1.2020: New year, new fibula?
3.1.2020: Back in Kuusamo for the first match of 2020, not much fun watching off the bench, but the girls did amazing. Swept Ploki 3-0.
5.1.2020: Still in a cast. Got to do some very immobile passing before practice.
6.1.2020: Last day in a cast!!! Played Kangasala and lost a tough 5 set thriller.
7.1.2020: Doctor’s appointment and new X-ray. Everything looks good, better than expected even. Started rehab today at the physio.
8.1.2020: First full day castless. It sucked, not at all what I expected. Had a constant throbbing ache and my leg swelled up massively. Probably tried to do too many rehab exercises. Need to remember to rest and take it easy.
9.1.2020: Sick of telling everybody I’m fine or good. I feel like I don’t want to complain either cause I’m also sick of hearing “you’re lucky your injury isn’t that serious”. Not feeling particularly grateful about that right about now.
10.1.2020: Couldn't sleep last night so stayed up till midnight googling fibula fractures. I learned that my injury is a pretty rare one. I have an isolated fibular shaft fracture without any additional damage to my ankle. This is rare because this type of injury usually results only from a direct blow to the fibula. In my case, I twisted my ankle, which resulted in a (cleanly) fractured fibula. This type of injury mechanism apparently more often causes a fracture and additional damage to the ankle (bone fracture, tissue damage…).
13.1.2020: My fracture’s one-month anniversary. Yay (this is only partially sarcastic)! That means three weeks since my cast and three weeks (hopefully) till I’m playing. Physio said everything looks great and my recovery is going as planned. Going to be starting some new exercises both in the gym and in the pool.
14.1.2020: Ran for the first time today. Well jogged. In a swimming pool. Anyway, its progress, hoping my leg doesn’t swell up too much.
16.1.2020: Yesterday my leg was feeling better than it had for a long time and I could actually walk pretty quickly. Naturally I worked hard on some new rehab exercises in the evening and felt really good. That joy lasted for about two seconds as today I woke up sorer than I had been for a long time. Pretty good reminder that feeling good doesn’t necessarily mean pushing harder. Next time, I’ll wait for least two good days in a row. Regardless I felt some progress today in the pool as my (very sore) fibula could handle a little more impact than the previous time I tried jumping in the pool, so I guess I’m on the right track.
19.1.2020: Feeling pretty good. I took it easy on the weekend because I was so sore after Friday. It proved to be a good idea since I jogged for the first time on the treadmill today. Sometimes the best thing you can do is rest. I also figured out soccer is a pretty good ankle work out (just against the wall, not actual soccer).
23.1.2020: This Eurocup trip to Beziers has been a roller coaster ride for me. I started it out really worried that I wasn’t healing the properly. I think I’m just worried because I don’t know what to expect. I’ve never had an injury like this before and as I mentioned earlier, it is a bit of a rare fracture so not much was available online. Thankfully I was reassured by a friend of my father’s, Ville. Apparently, I’m on the right track. Our match was difficult to watch, probably the hardest thus far to be sidelined from. It kills me not to be able to help the team.
27.1.2020: Clearly, I haven’t had nearly as much time to keep up with my updates as I had in the beginning. Probably a good thing. This week I’m supposed to start practicing and get my final x-rays. Week 5 is underway…
29.1.2020: What a whirlwind day. Went through all the emotions from on top of the world to rock bottom but finally got my x-ray results and everything looks good. I started the day off with x-rays but no doctor to look at them, so naturally I assumed the worst. Harri took care of everything and got me to a doctor though and it all turned out okay (thank you so much Erkki and Riitta). From crying in the car to getting permission to test my leg out tomorrow for the first time for practice (backrow of course). What a day!
30.1.2020: First full ball practice done! I have to admit I was excited but super frustrated at how slow I was. I was playing defense and I knew where the balls were going, and I got touches on all of them. It’s just the feeling of “I know I can get that ball when I’m a 100%”. Very frustrating but I just need to be patient. At least I’m practicing.
1.2.2020: Back on the roster! It was super exciting to be back, and I also got right back on the scoresheet, which was a bit unexpected, but I’ll take it. Of course, it was a bit bittersweet because I’m not at full health yet, but I can’t wait to be back on the court and pain free.
6.2.2020: Mixed feelings. My leg is getting better every day and I feel like I can do more and more so I’m happy about that. Tried out jumping for the first time in morning practice yesterday and again in the evening and I’m slowly getting there. On the other hand, I couldn’t fully play yesterday in our CEV Challenge Cup match against Beziers which I was really sad about. It was right at the six-week mark, so it was a long shot, but I was hopeful. We lost 2-3 and are now finished with our Euro games. I was really hoping to play more of them but now we just got to give everything we got for the rest of the season here in Finland.
10.2.2020: Scored a massive 0-3 win yesterday and brought home the very important three points. I played backrow in every set, but I think I’ll be ready to play next weekend. The fracture site isn’t really causing me any pain at all, it’s just the area around my ankle that hurts when I try to run full speed. Jumping doesn’t even hurt that bad. Can’t wait for this training week to start as it is my first “normal” one.
11.2.2020: First full practice done! So excited to do more tomorrow.
13.2.2020: Really happy with the progress I’ve made this week. This morning I even surprised myself. On previous days my leg has been stiff in the mornings and better towards the evening. Today we had a full 6 vs 6 practice in the morning, and it felt the best by far. Hoping to be able to play front row this weekend.
16.2.2020: Back to back dubs and five points from this weekend against two top teams! Couldn’t be happier. I also scored my first front row point in two months. I played the last two sets of our match against Hämeenlinna today and boy is it good to be back.
18.2.2020: On my way back to Kuusamo after a day of school and family time at home in Tampere. Feeling ready for the week and I can’t wait to practice again tonight.
20.2.2020: Yesterday’s practice was a rough one. My leg has been a bit sore this week, which has been bothering me quite a bit. I just wish I could do everything normally already. We’ve had quite a tough week thus far on the court and in the weights room. Everyone is definitely feeling it. I just wish I could be feeling the way they do. This injury has given me a whole new perspective and I’ll definitely think twice before complaining about being tired or sore. I’d take it a hundred times over when the other option is this. I appreciate being healthy so much more now.
21.2.2020: Best day so far, I think. Such a contrast to the other day. Felt really good at practice and will be finally starting a match tomorrow! Been doing my exercises for about a month every single day and it is finally paying off.
22.2.2020: Played my first full match just shy of the eight-week mark! It was so much fun to be back on the court. I honestly would’ve left with a smile on my face even if I hadn’t scored a single point, that’s how happy I was to be playing again. We won the match in three and are trailing the leaders by just two points.
As I mentioned already in one of my diary posts, this experience has taught me so much. I’ve learned that no matter how bad the injury or how long you’re out for, no one has the right to tell you how to feel. Whether it’s for the rest of the season or just two weeks, it really sucks, and you’re allowed to feel that way. It is crucial for the recovery process to let your emotions run their course instead of suppressing them. No one can tell you to feel some type of way until you’re ready to feel it. When you are, you might think (as in my case) that “oh, they we’re right. I was lucky” but at least for me, that was a conclusion I needed to come to on my own. It has also taught me patience. Every single day since I got rid of my cast I've gone to practice early and done my rehab exercises. Every single day after practice I would come home, ice, compress and elevate my leg. It felt pointless to be honest, until it didn't. The results will come, you just got to trust the process.
I thanked a few people earlier, but that list could have gone on forever. It has been wonderful to see the love and support I’ve gotten and I’m thankful for each and every message received, and conversation had. Every smile, get well soon and we miss seeing you play made a world of a difference to me. So thank you for that. If you made it this far, I also want to thank you for reading this marathon post. I promise the next one won’t be as long.
x Jess
